Bitch..

My friend Richard came to visit me this afternoon. Well, he came at around 6pm. We had a nice chat and when he realised that i actually hadn`t put my feet out of my house for 3 days at all he started on me. He said i couldn`t carry on like this and forced me to go to work with him. At the pub where he works, I do there like one or two working shifts every now and than. Since i knew there were loads of Christmas Cards addressed for me and i have got my cards for the colleagues as well i thought alright. Let`s go and i pick up my cards also leave mines there and check when is my next working shift. I was hoping to see some guys i knew there so i could have had some company for a drink or two.

When we got there i found a big private Christmas party downstairs at the club area for the *Big Benders Gay Badminton Club* which was full of `down-to-earth guys` (around 80 guys all in their 40s - 50s kept well single and the beauty therapist would have ran away from the task if saw them). After having a look inside i decided it was well out my interest so thought to settle down upstairs and get myself a beverage.

As i am sitting at the bar sucking my vodka tonic thinking how boring this is and maybe i should just go home, my big boss the famous Guvnor Jimmy Smith himself comes to me and says hello with a wide smile on his face. I happily acknowledged him since i really like the guy. He has always been very nice to me and when some time earlier before he noticed that i was going through a very hard time he helped me a lot by having a very serious and deep conversation. He was very nice again and cheered me up by the little chat we had. By the time he left me at the bar i was having a pretty good mode and i thought i should have a look about to see who was around. My favourite workmate was having his entitled one hour break so i joined him. We had a good laugh. When he finished his break i thought as it was time for the club to open up to public and the private party must had finished so i went downstairs to have another look. Nothing. Same people. Anyway, i decided to stay.

As i am standing by the bar waiting to be served i saw someone. Quite handsome and after having a proper look i had to realise the guy had scarily similar features to the very last guy i kinda saw and dumped me on a mysterious reason. I soooo wanted that guy. He was soooo much like the one just popped out of my dreams. And he just dumped me without any explanation anything. He didn`t even tell me that he didn`t want to see me again. It was his his flatmate/best friend who opened up my eyes and told me that my guy was seeing someone else. Looking at this guy here right than made me to remember and started to feel very bad. I was thinking about that bastard again and it was putting me down. I realised that i was standing by the bar just looking out of my face without any emotion and i felt i needed a cigarette. I nicked one from one of the barmen`s. I went into my thoughts very deeply. I mean i must have done so because i only saw some guys looking at me very strangely. I looked down on myself searching for the "funny thing" but as neither my fly was opened nor my top was tipped i just carried on looking and thinking. I didn`t really notice the crowd and the loud music i was surrounded with i was just standing there and looking out of my head without being able to see anything. I must have done that for quite a while though. I kinda noticed that someone was passing by and he was first smiling at me than did a face and left. I didn`t pay any attention. Than another guy did the same. Than a short time later another one. I was thinking "What the hell is wrong with these guys?"

After about 10 guys having done the same thing i really questioned what was going on. Finally i got the idea.

A little (quite not handsome) guy came up to me and said; "I don`t know what you think of yourself! I kinda fancied you but anytime i am trying to look at you you just look through me! I think you are a fucking Kamp and i don`t think this kind of behaviour will take you anywhere. Even if you don`t fancy me, you could at least smile back or look at me and i will know that you are not interested! But i am sorry, this is very rude what you are doing!"

I just looked at him and i smiled. "I am sorry! I didn`t realise what was going on!" I said, but before i could finish my sentence the little man left me at the bar.

Oh my God. This must had been what people reacted so funnily. They were trying to make eye contacts to me and i was so much into my own world with my thoughts and my cigarette so i didn`t even realise i just looked through them They all now must think i am a "fucking Kamp" (as the little guy said) because i just didn`t even notice them. This thought made me smile for the first place than i thought it wasn`t that funny really. Not even two seconds later from the crowd the guy turned up again. The guy who so terribly reminded me of that guy i dated. I smiled again. I knew, this party here was just about to begin but this time it wasn`t my party. I just couldn`t get in to the mode at all tonight.

The DJ started to announce the begining of the kabaret. I looked at the clock. It was ten past midnight. I knew, it was time to go home!