Very merry Christmas

Oh yes, Christmas is coming up now and everyone seems to be very excited. My grandmother has been asking me nearly every day that how long we have left till the big event for about 4-5 weeks now and i keep telling her; - "4 more weeks Hilda!" or, "Yes dear, it`s still three weeks left"
The worst thing about her is that she feels some kind of competition about it and so she wanted to put up the Christmas Tree like 3 weeks ago, thinking if we are the first ones in the street than we are going to have the best Christmas!
She has already bought all her prezzies weeks ago as well. Cute!
Well, there are a few put up in the street, i am not willing to do it till about 2-3 days before Christmas Day.

Everyone around me is so fucking over excited i guess or it may well only be me not showing any apricietion towards this event.
But why would i be??

I mean i understand my partnered friends of mine even Richard who has got successfully boyfriended around two months ago so now he has got someone top warm up the holy night. Well, i have got nobody!
Also, my other friends are going home to see their families so they will have a nce Christmas too.

Well, i am staying!
I don`t actually have a strong realtionship to my family so there is no point to go and see them and i have spent Christmas on my own in the past 10 years anyway so i really have got used to it. I mean i would if it happened the ordinary way this year!

And maybe this is what is causing me the excitement this year!?
I am spending Christmas with Hilda, my adopted grandmother! Well, basically during the times we have been living together it has grown out to be a best friendship or some kind of caring towards each others and so i will have got her as company.
This makes me anxious. I so got used to have this day of the year on my own and all of the sudden i am finding myself worried about Christmas Tree, Christmas Dinner, Christmas Pudding, Christmas Presents, Christmas Cards and the whole lot what others just simply call Christmas!
To me it is not that simple! I am feeling very confused and nearly getting depressed about the change in my life!

I always had my oven roasted fish and a bottle of wine with the company of the British Television channels and that`s it. - Not this time!

Can i be honest? I am not looking forward to it at all and i think i am only doing it for Hilda! Don`t want to disappoint her!

OMG, i nearly forgot to say, my friend from NYC has forcasted a maybe for his arriving as well for the 24th and staying for 2 days! Well, however i love Hilda but i am more looking forward to that one! At least i will have some fun...

Anyway, i will keep you informed how it is going till and during than!

Bye now... - BTW; Do you like my Christmas card?